Twelve 20-somethings chronicle their lives for WBUR. Learn more.
I know that many of my actions and circumstances are beyond my control. The idea of control is silly. My current circumstance, the one that I walked into a few months ago and have been in for nearly a year now, is one in which I work from home and desperately try to figure out a future in public policy.
In the end, all I can really rely on for control is my own mind. Outside of that, I’d say I have a level of control that sits at around 10 percent.
Okay, working in marketing is a little off the mark. It’s the job I could get, it’s the job that was available, and it’s a saving grace — so I have a hard time harboring malevolent or disingenuous feelings about the situation. I am looking (read: clawing) for a chance to go into policy, analysis, etc., and I’m even considering cobbling together the legal know-how to create a Super PAC. I mean, let’s face it, “Founder of Awesome People for a Better Universe Super PAC” would be an excellent boon to any resume.
I look longingly into the distance and think about what I need to go back to school. The obvious things I need are money and a plan. Which is easier? The plan is easier, but everything is still a pipe dream. What can I control from here on out? I can control the little bit of my life that’s at the very edge — cheap wine or semi-cheap beer?
I just took the GRE. In the weeks leading up to the test, I saw a great deal of how my life was outside my control. Expectation: A few hours of uninterrupted studying. Reality: Go to a wedding, go to a birthday party, go visit my grandfather over a hundred miles away, see a friend from out of town, and face thirty other responsibilities.
Life is chaotic. Life is a giant pile of things you want to do and things that crop up, plans that fall through, and a million other things. If you want control over your life, you’ll suffer a death from a thousand paper-cuts.