Photo: Dinner Series/Flickr
Readers: who remembers that first dinner with your boy/girlfriend’s parents? Who has hosted their own child’s sweetheart for dinner?
Family therapist Anne Fishel of The Family Dinner Project just did. She shares not only her original thoughts on the topic, but a postscript, too.
Anne Fishel
The Family Dinner Project
It’s hard to be our best, most authentic selves when our children bring a significant other home to dinner. As both generations wonder how they’re being sized up, it’s only natural that the meal feels a little tense and awkward. The parents may be fast-forwarding, wondering whether this interloper could one day be an in-law. The young guest may feel in the hot seat, while also questioning what he or she could be getting into if the relationship becomes a “forever” one.
When I first brought home my 20-year-old boyfriend, my usually stylish mother greeted us in her bathrobe, as if to say, if I dress casually, maybe I can pretend this isn’t such a big deal. She then holed up in the kitchen, sending out one burnt waffle after the other. Meanwhile, in the dining room, my father grilled my boyfriend about his career intentions, his previous job history and his left-of-left political leanings. I raced back and forth trying to do damage control. It was probably another decade before we had another meal together at my parents’ house.
And it didn’t go any better when I went to his house. He had instructed his mother that I didn’t eat red meat, but she interpreted that information to mean that she could serve veal, since pink isn’t red. I so wanted to make a good first impression that I dutifully ate an oversized portion, and then tried to be as quiet as a mouse as I threw up all night in their bathroom. Continue reading →